happiness is a warm gun

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Sonntag, 25. Dezember 2011

Music for having great sex

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Vor einiger Zeit gab es noch einen Musikblog namens Rave ≠ Rave. Dort fragte der Schreiberling Martin in seinem virtuellen Freundeskreis rum, wer Lust hätte zu den beklopptesten Suchanfragen jeweils einen Artikel zu schreiben. Ein kurzer Blick auf die Liste genügte, und ich war Feuer und Flamme für 'music for having great sex'. Da man es auf der Originalseite nicht mehr nachlesen kann, nun also bei der Tante Pop.







So, you're looking for music which gives an extra stimulation to your partner while having bungabunga? Ok, let's be honest. Sit down, forget your vulva and/or dick, look for the bottle of Vodka and listen:

Maybe, but eventually just maybe (it's just a vague theory) – the problem isn't the music. Could that be? Well, I know, you're certainly the perfect lover – sexy, gentle, you know what your partner wants. You would never just think of your own pleasure while fucking someone, right?
Oh, you're not that good in bed? Do you look for stimulating music because it should do the job for you? What kind of music should that be? Well, the girls got extatic while listening to the Beatles.



But listen carefully to the lyrics! Paul McCartney had the same problems as you!

„How can you laugh when you know I'm down“

and

„We're all alone and there's nobody else,
You still moan: 'Keep your hands to yourself!'“

This song about severe sexual problems (first the woman laughs while he's licking and then she forbits fingering her), and even Sir Paul didn't know what record could solve the problem! EVEN PAUL! God, that's depressing, right?
So, tell you what. Apparently two people without a good taste of music (you and your partner) want to have sex and risk having offspring. That's crap. No one needs more people without a good taste of music. Either you invest some of your leisure time to listen to all kinds of music and find something you really like and you're passionate about, or you really shouldn't have sex.

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